Essay revision
My essay revision process was good. I started by making a list of things that interested me that I could possibly write my essay about. Then I went on the common app and looked at all the prompts to choose the one that most interested me. The question that I chose was "what is a topic you find so captivating it makes you all track of time, what or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?" I chose this topic because I am the type of person to really get interested in a singular thing and do it all the time. I then wrote a rough draft around how captivating the ocean is to me and how much I enjoy exploring it. After my rough draft we did peer critiques, I got some tips on how to make my essay more captivating and added these to my paper. After this I conference with Lori and she told me to make my essay in chronological order to make it more interesting to the reader. I revised my essay and it's slowly become better. I think I will need to work on it a little bit more before I turn it in to colleges but I am glad I have a good base written.
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Common App Essay
What is a topic you find so captivating it makes you lose all track of time, what or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?
From age 2 till age 12 my family travelled to a small island in mexico and lived on the beach for a month or two. I went to school for some of the time but mostly I would spend hours wandering the beach with my mask and snorkel and usually my big brother looking at and catching animals. When I was 4 years old my parents sent me to kindergarten on the island and after about 15 minutes of school I snuck under the gate and headed to the beach to find animals, my parents found me a few hours later wandering in the warm shallow water. I could have done this endlessly, 4 year old me was always looking for a new rock or tide pool to find creatures in and as i've grown older i've developed an understanding of where a large variety of small sea animals live. Every time I find a little creature I want it to be one i've never seen before and I dream of it being something nobody has seen before. The ocean is one of the only places that I think that’s possible. We have only explored 35% of the ocean which makes me wonder what there could be in the remaining 65%. There are many things that we have discovered but the ocean is one of the most unknown places and discovering more about it is my dream.
I have lived in Colorado my whole life but I have always wanted to live by the ocean, the unknown animals that reside in the rocks and under the surface captivate me in a way that no other activity does. I love putting on a mask and snorkel and floating in the warm water watching how the small underwater civilizations work. I have a different perspective on animal life than most people I have met, I don’t kill anything and am always in a mindset that even the tiniest of animals understand things how we do. My favorite part is coming across something I’ve never seen before. When this happens I love trying to figure out what it is and eventually discovering what it is and ways to find it. All my life the most interesting thing to me is both the ocean and animals and when combined there are great things to discover and explore and I could spend endless amounts of time wandering there. Now that I am older I am just as curious about animals but I am even more curious about what animals exist that we have yet to discover.
I have lived in Colorado my whole life but I have always wanted to live by the ocean, the unknown animals that reside in the rocks and under the surface captivate me in a way that no other activity does. I love putting on a mask and snorkel and floating in the warm water watching how the small underwater civilizations work. I have a different perspective on animal life than most people I have met, I don’t kill anything and am always in a mindset that even the tiniest of animals understand things how we do. My favorite part is coming across something I’ve never seen before. When this happens I love trying to figure out what it is and eventually discovering what it is and ways to find it. All my life the most interesting thing to me is both the ocean and animals and when combined there are great things to discover and explore and I could spend endless amounts of time wandering there. Now that I am older I am just as curious about animals but I am even more curious about what animals exist that we have yet to discover.